Would Someone Hire My Husband, Please?

Have you ever thought retirement meant 'living the dream'—only to be jolted awake by a splash of cold reality?

That was me. I dreamed of lazy mornings, drives along the Oregon coast, cozy afternoons reading, and writing sessions with an ocean view. Unfortunately, my husband and I were not on the same page. Actually, we weren't even reading the same book.

While I imagined beachcombing and bookstore browsing, he envisioned retirement as the perfect time for home improvement boot camp—with me as his unwilling apprentice.

Now, to be fair, part of the reason we don’t travel more is our Bichon Frise, Kirby. He's not what you’d call a “good traveler.” Or a “people person.” Or “emotionally stable.” A full-time security detail, Kirby barks at every creak, shadow, and guest next door. He refuses to eat if we leave him in anyone else's care and spends the entire time staring at the front door anxiously awaiting our return. At twelve years old, he's going strong—and I suspect he will outlive us out of sheer loyalty and spite. But I’m starting to think my husband likes using Kirby as an excuse to stay home and knock out projects.

While gainfully employed, my husband was a chief financial officer, managing money, leading teams, and making high-stakes decisions. Now he’s transferred all that executive energy... to me. He calls it “getting exercise.” I call it “unpaid labor.” Personally, I prefer a peaceful hike to meet my fitness goals—not hauling shrub clippings or inventorying light bulbs. And for the record, I still do the cooking and cleaning.

It's Not All Work

Don’t get me wrong: he’s a great guy, and I love him dearly. I just don’t want to work for him—especially for free.

So here’s my proposal: Someone, please, hire this man. Seriously. His hireability soars off the charts:

• Finances: He tracks every bill, every statement, and every due date with the utmost precision. He pays everything early. He waits for statements to post, like it’s Christmas morning.

• Inventory Management: Our pantry operates on a strict first-in-first-out system. Disrupt the toilet paper rotation at your own risk.

• Landscaping: He turned our wilderness of vines and brambles into a backyard oasis. Moles fear him. Aphids know his name.

• Attention to Detail: "Good enough" is never good enough. He brings his A-game to everything—from balancing our budget to keeping the batteries charged in our smoke alarms.

  
  

Maybe I should take a cue from the Apostle Paul and work on my contentment:

“I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.”~ Philippians 4:12-13 (NIV)

Thank You, Jesus, for my faithful, loving, hardworking husband. He keeps our home beautiful, our finances sound, and our lives running smoothly—even if he occasionally drags me into “team building exercises” involving prickly vines. I might even volunteer to help on the next project. (Might.)

And thank You for Kirby—our anxious, protective little dog who loves us fiercely and sees danger in every Amazon delivery (of which there are many).

But hey, if you happen to know of the perfect full- or part-time job for my hubby, feel free to send offers through my contact page. Serious inquiries welcome ... although hilarious ones are totally acceptable too. I can always use a good laugh.

Blessings,

Angela

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Angela L. Gold is an encourager who shares the love of Christ in her writing. She is the author of The Lion Within and Kill Shot.